Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
