***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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