i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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