You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
