I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
