I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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