return my video game
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone shit on the floor
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
