i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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