I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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