No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
