put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize