What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
