oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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