He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
