fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
