They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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