i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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