I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
