At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
