Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
