I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
