Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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