i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
