My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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