"it" just moved
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize