just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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