I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
