Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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