it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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