I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
