Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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