I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize