Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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