if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
