Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
