whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
