just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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