Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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