"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why do cheetos always look like penises
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
