Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
