ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
