i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
