Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've blown a few things in my day
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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