That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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