She is in my trunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
