my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
