Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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