I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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