I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
