I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I could fuck to npr.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
