she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
