she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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