totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
