I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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