We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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