wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
