don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then my night got REAL pukey
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
