can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
