I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
