whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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