i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
