Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
