ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
