and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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