i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
