just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
