Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize