you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
