Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
