i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
